Annapolis, Maryland---The TV show “Sex and the City” was an HBO hit series because so many women could relate to what the foursome clique of women were going through. Between their four personalities my friends and I would compare who we were most like and what we could best relate to.
For me, I had a “Mr. Big,” a man in the series that weaved
his way in and out of one of the girl’s lives. He was the one that was
emotionally bigger than all the other men that she dated.
My Mr. Big was someone I met at 21 and fell so hard and so
deeply for, he changed everything. After I met him, I changed my Spring Break
plans to go see him. When we broke up once I flew 1500 miles to fight for the
relationship. When I graduated I moved from Kansas to Florida to date him with
plans that we would get married. But his behavior on a day to day basis was
totally different than the one year long-distance relationship that we had had
and I ended it and he went on with his life moving far away.
Deep in my heart I thought he would change and come back for
me. And he did change, but he didn’t come back for me.
Years passed and a card here, a letter there. A wedding
announcement came and then a baby announcement.
But the marriage ended and we would have a loose connection
of infrequent texts or emails, crossing paths at various times.
I once watched him with his sweet yet feisty mother and realized he really did turn out to
be the man I once thought he was.
And now I’m near where he lives and after four months of
being on this trip I thought we would certainly go have coffee or lunch and get caught
up in person.
One thing about this road trip around the country of
following a path of friends and relatives and having my People Count at 226 so
far, is that I am being more open than I ever have been. And that means realizing that what might have once been a friendship is not meant to continue. That our connection was something to be left in the past. So yes, sadly there have been several people that I realized our time
was behind us and that I needed to let them go. Just that. A clearing of the cob webs of my life and making room
in my head for the new, positive, future of people I choose to have
around me. This is really hard for me as
I have been a "friend collector" my entire life. Putting someone
behind me is new to me.
So after sending a countdown of texts as I got closer to
Mr. Big, I am in Annapolis and anxious for him to come meet me. Then I get this text:
“Would you like to road-trip this
direction for lunch tomorrow? A couple of us have a Friday ritual, walk to
local farmers market and take back to office. Not much on the excitement scale
but pleasantly social and it is one time I can commit. My colleague is
diabetic, so lunch usually holds firm at 12 noon if able. “
My reply text:
“No. I do not want to drive 11,532
miles and be 30.7 miles away from you to walk to a farmers market at exactly
noon with people you work with and spend 30 minutes just to be around you.
Defining moments says it all. Good bye Mr. Big.”
This Defining Moment only took me 32 years to get. This was not an angry moment, not at all. I only realized something huge about me. I had made “Grand Gestures” my entire life for this person. That it was always me making the big effort. And although there is history, that still does not make it right or healthy for me.
Hysterical Answer Danger Girl!!!
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